The Highest form of Love - Self Love - Unconditional Love & the Way Home - 10th Jun 2014

The Highest form of Love - Self Love - Unconditional Love & the Way Home

Today belongs to love, let me not fear.”

Nearly every person who comes to Shunyata doesn't really love themselves.They have disconnected from their true selves and are not loving the ego they are living under.What is this – weren't we told that” to be there for ourselves was selfish.”
Who are we really? Have you ever asked yourself who are you? What am I here for? What is my purpose? Most of us are just winging life.

When did it happen – when did we “edge god out” ego. It happens at about 3 yrs old where we took on a mask, a false identity and we realise that we have to set about doing something to get love. We start to realise we are what we achieve, what I have or what I do or what people think of us and then the pattern of ego gets formed. It was a place of survival of the strongest.

The world out there is going through deep stress. Stress is how we respond to the world when our needs are not met. Anger is a reaction to not getting our needs met and a loss of control. All of these reactions are based on our false identity.  It has come to a time where this competitive destructive ego and separation is not sustainable any more and the planet is hurting. Co-operation and mutual aid is the only way to go.

“I am the hole in the flute for which life flows” Rumi

There is our higher self, our essence our pure self and our mind or egoic self which is best described in the enneagram work.The Enneagram is a detailed map of the ego. It describes who you THINK  you are. It shows clearly patterns of the movements of mind. How the mind grasps what it wants, move away from what it fears, and push against what it wants to change or control.
The enneagram can be a truly masterful tool for waking up out of egoic identification. By seeing our own patterns, we can stop them when they don’t serve what we really want. We can notice how fear, anger, and sadness are mechanical emotional patterns that are common to all egos, and we can stop taking them personally. We can wake up out of the stories we form from these emotions, and realise they are not even real. In fact, most of what we are thinking, feeling and experiencing is just mechanical patterns of survival, being filtered through the egoic mind.  How can we truly love this egoic self?
 The search for enlightenment, is really the search for the truth of who we are. Suffering comes from ignorance, as the Buddha said thousands of years ago. Ignorance means ignoring reality, and placing our attention on what is not real. Instead of being present to the living, immediate, undiluted truth, we subjugate ourselves to a dead, conceptual reality based on the past. Our conditioning, what we have learned from others who themselves are ignorant of the truth, as well as our emotional reactions and our physical sensations, becomes reality for us. We believe it, act it out, and find proof and agreement for our stories of who we are.

 Some of us at the core of the egoic mind feel a deep sense of worthlessness, unworthiness, and self loathing. So we cover this deep self hatred with trying to get love from the outside.

Others of us feel in the depth that we are weak and incompetent, this gets covered with armour
saying I am strong and confident.

Some of us are deeply enraged. We feel a loss of control But feeling anger is not appropriate socially, and is not loveable, so instead we push it down, cover it over, go to sleep, go numb on top of it, so as not to explode and hurt someone, or break something. So we appear mellow and calm on the outside.

And some of us are simply terrified. A deep sense of terror lurks inside, about survival, death, abandonment, betrayal, not knowing, or being stuck. We then project loyalty, and fearlessness, in order to protect ourselves from our own mental projections of fear.
There is hope, there is a higher self inside each of us. This is the beauty of innocence,this is what we came in as. Our essence is divine, it's peaceful, it's real and authentic. We can go on a spiritual search for this but it is inside and it's pure. Also on this planet at the moment there is help to live from this place. 2 million people recently have become awakened and it's available to all of us.. We touch this place inside of us here in Shunyata, your essence your source and then it's about living from that place. 

Spirituality is about being honest with yourself and saying goodbye to this identity that
you thought was you. Spiritual awakening often happens after someone experiences a major trauma or turmoil in their life.

When you wake up at 3am in the morning know that this time is special

“The morning breeze has secrets to tell you do not go back to sleep “Rumi

This is the time you are closest to your true self to your essence.From this place you experience unconditional love.

A great movie about the ego is called "The Shift" Wayne Dyer

Be Part of the Magic Happening at Shunyata - 18th May 2014

Be Part of the Magic Happening at Shunyata


Hello beloveds

Do you want magic to happen in your life. We are programmed to grow spiritually in this lifetime and if we are not growing we feel stagnant.

Wow who would have thought we could become awake in this lifetime. Maybe you have never considered this for yourself. I didn't want it enough until Santosh and I split up and then I knew
freedom from mind, from ego, from conditioning and karma was all I wanted and what better time
to attain it than in this planet at this time.
I have recently become part of the oneness group which I have been observing for quite a few years but as we always believe in timing – wasn't the right time. I was meant to do one of the first courses in India way back in 2004 after my yoga teachers training and didn't go. Saw them in Bali and loved the no ego part of their persona, watched old friends in Byron Bay completely change and it wasn't until recently after I heard about the chambers they hold, that a friend took me. Amazing things have been happening in little old Diamond Harbour. They have started cutting down myhedge and now the trees in front that have blocked the view (as you all know this has been here for 3 yrs. Wow what a view – we are now so close to the ocean. .After doing the weekend oneness blessing I cleared all with my father and money issues are fading. My excitement for life is contagious and I can't stop smiling. 2Million people on this planet have been awakened which means that their minds and patterning are no longer running them.

Oneness is helping you connect to your higher power - to your divine and ask for help to clear all the things you have been doing on your own.  Your karma, your patterning and your ancestral conditioning.  It accelerates all that we were doing on our own.  It's magic and it's real.  Anything that takes you away from feeling one with the universe.

What this means for you my beloved clients is, if you are keen on this, you can have free oneness blessings at Shunyata and have a taste of this amazing awakening. I am off to India in July into
August to deepen this process and so ask you to tell all your friends who have thought about coming to Shunyata that June is the month. It is the time for Vata's to do a detox as many people
are feeling out of balance. It is also the time to deepen into your source, your essence and
have more peace in your life. We look at hurts, when we haven't forgiven totally, fears and where we lie to ourself and where we are not in acceptance of things. $50 off journey retreats and $100 off detox's. Did you know that addiction is anything we use to escape the present moment. We can be addicted to our minds,food and anything.

You can ask for whatever you want because you deserve – it is granted if you are authentic. I
want to share this with you – I want you to taste this amazing freedom. Call now 03 3294773
or email

So spread the word to your friends and if you can make it in June for a tune up let me know.
Shunyata will be closed July till mid August and maybe end of August and then who knows,
but magic is possible for all of us. Move beyond mediocrity and start becoming part of this
amazing awakening on this planet. You can't put a $ value on this freedom.

Confused About Love - Sick of doing the Same Thing Over & Over - 9th Apr 2014

Confused About Love - Sick of doing the Same Thing Over & Over

A Higher Love - What is it really?

Many of us are longing for that soul mate, that person to grow with and yet what are we doing to sabotage it. Maybe you're already in a relationship and it's not fulfilling you and you feel alone. Wherever you are at hopefully these points will help you get clearer.

First of all what is an enlightened healthy relationship. For me it has a higher purpose in mutual awakening and participation in conscious evolution. Lifting the relationship to a higher ground and it's not always comfortable and beyond romantic infatuation. But your joint purpose is to serve humanity from your higher self and you have a mirror to help you in this and take you back to this when you go off into ego patterns etc.

For many of us women who are longing to live this relationship we need to take responsibility for why we are not attracting it. We can complain that our partner is not spiritual enough, this can be a sort of spiritual arrogance, go and live what you want to follow and let him live what he wants to follow. Maybe you have evolved and left him behind and then you need to truly ask yourself what is more important for you. But for us that is calling this into our lives – here is some tips on how we can be ready in ourselves.

Don't kid yourselves ladies – all our integrity goes out the door when we romantically fall in love.
So make it your prayer to rise in love. Get your closest trustable friends to tell you the truth if this relationship is serving you after 6 months and listen. Get really clear on what you want in a relationship and share it at the beginning – and if you are not on the same paths, or if you let illusion not let you hear that he isn't, then you will be creating more suffering for yourself again.

1. Get real about all the core beliefs, the sabotages and the blocks that have happened in past relationships and come and clear out ego patterns that are not serving you. Most of them are rooted in childhood and we keep repeating them, until we say enough. These are things like unworthiness, control, self righteousness, pride, fixing the other, putting the other on a pedestal and balancing the ability to be able to receive and not give. Get radically authentic with yourself and commit to authenticity. Clear back what is not serving you and just be yourself. You know that a partner is good for you if you are just being yourself.

2. For a woman to stay in her power she needs to connect to her higher power, her divine so when men,who are so clear, speak – she can say her truth and not always stay quiet. “All of life is organising around my success and it's safe for me to say what I feel and think.”

3. Most of us women are very strong and independent and are not open to ask for help and also to receive support. This is very unattractive to the masculine. We come into relationship to carry each other's burdens. We need to surrender to love – not to the man. Is he on the train you want to jump on.

For the people in relationship some practices for them both if their intention is a higher mission for conscious evolution.
1.Get clear on why you are together. Are we comitted to live from our evolved edges? How can we use each other to grow and awaken?

2.We agree to be a mirror for each other. To praise each other and to serve each others higher self. I love you and I see this potential in you. This is done through unconditional love and challenge but in the most kind and caring way rather than judgement and criticism. We don't often see our own blocks. To show where our behaviour is not consistent with our higher values.

3. We then live in this authenticity and model for other people. When a pattern shows up in the other that causes a reaction in us,to really ask if we are living it in ourselves. How can we be a catalyst for change in the world. The old quote – “be the change you want to see in the world.” We all know ourselves how inspired we become when people are living what they are teaching. I say this as much as possible, we are still human and not to go to self righteousness.

 Paru has recently returned from the ISTA Consciousness and Sexuality Conference and nearly every workshop was centred  around  the relationship we have with ourselves.  We look for the other to fill our holes and we are the only one who can really do this.

My deepest prayer in this lifetime is that I live from this authentic place and help others to evolve their own relationships in this integral, authentic way.

Conscious Uncoupling NZ - What is involved and how can you get help to do it? - 8th Apr 2014

Conscious Uncoupling NZ - What is involved and how can you get help to do it?

 How to Uncouple Consciously and the benefits for you and the kids

If you didn't hear about this new phenomenon when Gwyneth Paltrow announced this was how
she wanted to end her marriage - then this is the new discussion in the relationship world.
Many people don't like this phrase and don't have any idea what it means.

What does it really mean?  A breakup that entails goodwill, generosity & respect.  Both people are valued for what they shared together and there is minimal damage to themselves and their children.

You might ask yourself - how do we do this in such a traumatic time.  Well a bad breakup is the
most traumatic thing people can go through. If you don't tend to a broken heart then it can be as bad as death in the brain chemistry.  People sense it as a form of failure  Dr Helen Fisher, a leading expert in the field of love and attraction, says that getting dumped is worse than coming off a cocaine addiction 
Nature is not designed for us to separate quickly.  When attachment is broken it can cause depression and apathy.  This all needs to be done consciously.

Statistics have shown that the divorce rate is not slowing down and most people going through divorce are over 50.  Why is it so high, well values have changed, the old assumed goal of love being- stay together for ever ,isn't so prevalent.  Life has sped up and communication between couples has broken down.  People want more so both couples are working and the women are losing their femininity and the men are feeling emasculated.

Paru, the owner and operator of Shunyata - a health and healing retreat working with couples for 10 years,  has had her own experience by going  through a nasty break up over 20 years ago in Byron Bay Australia.  She can now look back now  and know  that  the scared, contracted heart and the pain & suffering she endured over 10 years, was  the catalyst for a spiritual awakening.  She truly believes that when we marry we make a vow and that vow has a life force of its own and stops all other possibilities.  So when we break up that vow is still in place and it needs to be replaced with a healthy vow to enable the couple to uncouple in a less painful way.  She has kept many people out of the family law court with ego patterns - fear and flight, trauma taking over healthy decisions for the children.
What about if you are on the cusp - don't know whether to go or to stay?  You must ask yourself: .
1.Are you prepared to lower your standard of living ?
2. Are you willing to work towards a healthy & wholesome transformation of relationship for      the children, like brother & sister?
3. Are you willing to not put the other partner down in front of the children?

This is asking a lot if all you are in is survival ego patterns and it takes a lot to come away from that. You must do this breakup before it gets abusive towards each other and take the children into account and how they are feeling everything that is going on.

Key practices – 5 steps
1. Get a handle on your emotions.  Get out of fight & flight. Take no action when in total emotion. have a friend on standby to vent.
2. Do not wait for time to heal your broken heart.  Reach out and ask for help to heal this heart  Otherwise you will have a  closed and mistrusting heart which uses your life force.
3. Make something beautiful of this, make choice to grow up and not grow old, like a  spiritual awakening  - can be such a positive change.
4. Don't get stuck in blame story going over and over this adds to shame.  Turn attention to new beginning and your expanded family.  Ask for what you need.
5.  Align your community of family and friends so that no one need to carry this shame.  Your            husband can see his mother in law etc.  Do not lose connection with family.

So it's doing this break up like an adult and often this is hard because we have never been taught.
Many of us have had dysfunctional childhoods and fear of survival comes up and this is the time
to do the work and clear out these patterns for your children and your next relationships.
This is one time when you truly need to reach out and ask for help, I wish I had this help 20 years ago and the reason I opened Shunyata Retreat

The benefits for your future are numerous.
1.  Your ongoing relationship with your ex partner and the children will be so much better and the children will not be damaged.
2. You will be able to function in the world with an open heart, not shut down and suffering.
3. You will prepare yourself for a higher more fruitful next relationship
4. You will learn to love yourself and know who your truly are beyond ego patterns.
So call Paru now 03 3294773 or email

Both Men and Women are looking for a deeper Intimacy - Spiritual & Heart Opening - 28th Mar 2014

Both Men and Women are looking for a deeper Intimacy - Spiritual & Heart Opening

Rising or Falling in Love – Living totally or living a ½ life

How many of you are living relationships that have died and lost their spark?
How many of you started out so in love and then it all went downhill?
How many of you love your partner but just live as friends and have no passion left?
How many of you feel you are living a ½ life – for the other and not for yourself and it's not working?
How many of you are shut down and don't even realise that it is this that is taking your life force?

Do you still love your partner? Then keep reading – there is hope – every moment is a new chance to start over.

Many of us are always asking many questions about love. What went wrong, why can I not live an open, passionate and alive love life and still be true to myself. For each of us there is an unique reason. We are not all the same but most of us are living from a pattern that we can't sustain and it's just not working.

How can we be in love and still be true to ourselves. Well my experience is moving beyond ego
patterns of loving with the enneagram. Most of us are either living conditions on our loving or pleasing the other and it works for a while but when the honeymoon is over, this cannot be kept up.
This – living from the ego patterns, is exhausting, it takes so much effort. To be yourself is effortless. To who know you truly are, have you ever asked yourself this question – who am I really? You have to know who you are and who you are not.
Have a look at this video from Brandon Bays from the journey to explain the ego patterns.

How is this playing out in your relationships?
Most important are you sick of doing the same old thing and want to change these patterns and
come home to who you truly are, pure love, effortless being, peace itself.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Kahlil Gibran

My deepest prayer in this lifetime is to help people live from a more authentic loving.
To rise in love instead of falling. To not wait until you die when you have truth in your
eyes but to long for this higher loving and to start living from it now.

When people come to Shunyata we look at their ego patterns individually and then see
if this is causing the friction between them. Then we meet and do some sharing in truth,
where sometimes this can be very confrontational but it is done from love not judgement.
Men are blown away because they have never been taught to talk about feelings. We are
then meeting from our higher selves not our minds and our egos that will never come to
clarity. More men are coming to my site and yet most women are booking. Why is this?
I believe that men are full of fear and yet society says they shouldn't feel it. What we resist
persists. The men who have come have been so grateful to open to their heart and not be
judged. Most women in the relationship want to do this retreat because love is the most
important thing – it's our purpose. This is not a man's purpose but he wants to make her happy.
How can you both be served. Men come and find out your life purpose, come discover who
you truly are and live from a place beyond fear. Hear what it is from a man in mens language
with the work from David Deida.

“He who seeks ecstasy in love should not complain of suffering.” 
― Kahlil Gibran, Visions of the Prophet

Men and women are looking for the same things in relationship; intimacy that transcends the body, penetrates the spirit and opens the heart.

To truly love another you have to have that love for self and then follow the principles of

Love,Kindness,Joy, Compassion,Empathy,Equanimity

Find the love inside of yourself and then you can share – allowing the other to be who they are?
In this case who they truly are – not their ego patterns. Then we can all rise in love and serve the planet in this love.


Happy New Year to all of you who came to Shunyata or think of coming.  May 2014 bring you amazing freedom and love and openess.

It's been 10 years since the doors opened and when I look back on the amazing transformation of both myself and all of my courageous clients I feel truly blessed.  When we taste who we truly are then we can have a purpose for being here.  Then to dedicate our lives to that freedom is the most sublime of all loves.  

In the last few months I have been amazed how quickly people shift from not being able to move beyond pain to truly coming home to themselves and let go of stories of shutdown, anxiety and physical blocks.  See Trip advisor notes.

As I told you I will be coming north - arrive Wellington at end of January and  in Auckland 10-14 Feb, so hope you can have a new beginning to 2014.

Do you want magic in life for yourself?
Do you want to wake up full of joy for no reason?
Do you want to do the work you love?
Do you want to love in a healthy divine goddess way?
Do you want to offer something to this world rather than existing?

What is truly stopping you living your true potential

call Paru 0272 777734

Ultimate Healing Day - $300 - approx 3-4 hrs

Patterns of enneagram  and mind still causing suffering.
The Journey
Shared Lunch (you provide the kitchen & Salad)
Body work to die for including cranio-sacral.

for people who haven't been to Shunyata before and would benefit that you know

txt or call 0272 777734 or email


1, Yoga session and posture
2. Ayurveda type and consult on physical wellness
3. Cooking lesson and recipes for your type
3. Enneagram type and Journey session
4. Divine bodywork combining massage and cranio-sacral & reflexology
5.  Lunch you provide the salad

txt or call 0272 777734 or email


I would love to give a free of charge talk to a group if you know of people that would benefit on wellness and what it means in 2014.  Emotional, physical and spiritual balance in life.

I hope to see you and help you live the 2014 that you deserve.

Love and light always

What better way to enjoy your Christmas Break - indulging yourself with healing & Health - 19th Nov 2013

What better way to enjoy your Christmas Break - indulging yourself with healing & Health


We all have a story of our lives and how it  has impacted on us.

In this universe, which was created by a divine, organizing intelligence, there are simply no accidents.
With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself, or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.
Wayne Dyor
"My research has shown me that when emotions are expressed – which is to say that the biochemicals that are the substrate of emotion are flowing freely – all systems are united and made whole. When emotions are repressed, denied, not allowed to be whatever they may be, our network pathways get blocked, stopping the flow of the vital feel-good, unifying chemicals that run both our biology and our behavior."
- Dr. Candace B. Pert

  • Have we done anything about it?
  • Is life teaching you what you need to learn to wake up?  
  • Are you taking care of your body like a temple?
  • Is life exciting, free, new and full of mystery every day?
  • Are you living in magic, innocence and wonder like a child?
If you answered no to these questions - it's time for you to come and find our  your life purpose with 
the journey or an amazing craniosacral session that takes you to a deep deep place inside, peaceful, serene, connected and alive again.

Is your relationship like Shiva and Shakti dancing - full of humour and love - if not come and do a couples retreat and save $100.  Be dined with amazing healthy & naughty food on the deck overlooking
the bay, have a bliss bomb bath, decadent she chocolates and rekindle the love.

You can come for a detox 7 or 5 days, a Journey retreat for 3 days or an ultimate  healing day

If it's not for you this time spoil your loved ones with a Christmas voucher they will love you for.

Dont Delay - the roses are blooming, the ocean is warming, the birdsong & peace & serenity is
deeper than ever

call Paru now 03 3294773   or email

Maybe you might be able to join us next winter for the trip of a lifetime

or have a gorgeous xmas and new year with your loved ones.

love and light

Emotional Health - are you emotionally fit? - 18th Oct 2013

Emotional Health - are you emotionally fit?

 Emotional Healing

We are bombarded by articles and advertisements about the value of becoming physically fit.
What about your emotional fitness?
How would life be if you were really emotionally free. Take this questionnaire to determine your emotional health. Each question has 4 answers to choose from. Please total the numbers from all answers.

1. Do you stop yourself from feeling emotions?
Often(1), sometimes(2), rarely(3), never(4)
2. How do you deal with anger?
Explode(1), suppress(2), talk about(3), feel it(4)
3. When someone else expresses anger do you –
Feel scared(1), explode with anger yourself(2), speak up for yourself(3), let their anger stay with them(4)
4. Do allow yourself to cry?
Never(1), rarely(2), sometimes(3), usually(4)
5. Do anxious feelings stop you from trying something new?
Never(1), rarely(2), sometimes(3), usually(4)
6. When someone close to you died, how did you react?
Not grieve(1), grieve a little(2), tell yourself to stop grieving(3), let yourself feel it(4)
7. Do you laugh, sing and dance with happiness?
Never(1), rarely(2), sometimes(3), often(4)
8. When you are criticized do you –
Feel neutral(4), stick up for yourself(3), criticize yourself(2), feel stupid(1)
9. Do you find yourself wanting approval from others?
Never(4), rarely(3), sometimes(2), often(1)
10. Do you blame others for how you feel?
Never(4), rarely(3), sometimes(2), often(1)
11. Do you feel grateful?
Often(4), sometimes(3), rarely(2), never(1)
12. How long does it take you to bounce back from feeling low?
1hr(4), 1 day(3), 1 week(2), longer(1)
42 - 48: You are emotionally healthy 
35 - 41: Be aware of the areas in which you are not allowing yourself to open and feel emotions.
25 - 34:  Lets  get to the cause of being  emotionally shut down.  Call Paru now 03 3294773
Below 24: Come to Shunyata to honour yourself and live life more freely - lets get your emotional health sorted Call Paru now 03 3294773

Ok how did you score?  What areas of your life would you like to improve?


 At Shunyata we believe that there are many places we live from, that are not serving us in life.  One is our mind, full of fear doubt and judgement.  Another is our conditioning or belief systems - this too can be addressed.  The one that Paru found the most draining and was causing the most suffering in her life and the life of her mother was - ego patterns.  Her life as a drama queen and tragic romantic didn't serve the people around her and after losing custody of her child - she knew for her sake that she had to address this ego.  I remember the day when I said  "until the day I die I will clear these patterns to come to freedom for myself and my mother" who had a stroke at 50".  

When someone says - get rid of your ego - how do you know what ego is for you.  For some it might be speaking up your truth, for another pride and not asking for help - for another -extreme fear and anxiety.
Wouldn't it be great to see what your patterns are that are causing you the most suffering.    Paru has been working for 9 years at Shunyata helping people to clear their blocks to living their true potential.

I love helping people find their god like selves - don't delay call now 03 3294773

see what clients are saying about their time at Shunyata with Trip Advisor

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03 329 4773

027 277 7734

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