Conscious Uncoupling NZ - What is involved and how can you get help to do it? - 8th Apr 2014

Conscious Uncoupling NZ - What is involved and how can you get help to do it?

 How to Uncouple Consciously and the benefits for you and the kids

If you didn't hear about this new phenomenon when Gwyneth Paltrow announced this was how
she wanted to end her marriage - then this is the new discussion in the relationship world.
Many people don't like this phrase and don't have any idea what it means.

What does it really mean?  A breakup that entails goodwill, generosity & respect.  Both people are valued for what they shared together and there is minimal damage to themselves and their children.

You might ask yourself - how do we do this in such a traumatic time.  Well a bad breakup is the
most traumatic thing people can go through. If you don't tend to a broken heart then it can be as bad as death in the brain chemistry.  People sense it as a form of failure  Dr Helen Fisher, a leading expert in the field of love and attraction, says that getting dumped is worse than coming off a cocaine addiction 
Nature is not designed for us to separate quickly.  When attachment is broken it can cause depression and apathy.  This all needs to be done consciously.

Statistics have shown that the divorce rate is not slowing down and most people going through divorce are over 50.  Why is it so high, well values have changed, the old assumed goal of love being- stay together for ever ,isn't so prevalent.  Life has sped up and communication between couples has broken down.  People want more so both couples are working and the women are losing their femininity and the men are feeling emasculated.

Paru, the owner and operator of Shunyata - a health and healing retreat working with couples for 10 years,  has had her own experience by going  through a nasty break up over 20 years ago in Byron Bay Australia.  She can now look back now  and know  that  the scared, contracted heart and the pain & suffering she endured over 10 years, was  the catalyst for a spiritual awakening.  She truly believes that when we marry we make a vow and that vow has a life force of its own and stops all other possibilities.  So when we break up that vow is still in place and it needs to be replaced with a healthy vow to enable the couple to uncouple in a less painful way.  She has kept many people out of the family law court with ego patterns - fear and flight, trauma taking over healthy decisions for the children.
What about if you are on the cusp - don't know whether to go or to stay?  You must ask yourself: .
1.Are you prepared to lower your standard of living ?
2. Are you willing to work towards a healthy & wholesome transformation of relationship for      the children, like brother & sister?
3. Are you willing to not put the other partner down in front of the children?

This is asking a lot if all you are in is survival ego patterns and it takes a lot to come away from that. You must do this breakup before it gets abusive towards each other and take the children into account and how they are feeling everything that is going on.

Key practices – 5 steps
1. Get a handle on your emotions.  Get out of fight & flight. Take no action when in total emotion. have a friend on standby to vent.
2. Do not wait for time to heal your broken heart.  Reach out and ask for help to heal this heart  Otherwise you will have a  closed and mistrusting heart which uses your life force.
3. Make something beautiful of this, make choice to grow up and not grow old, like a  spiritual awakening  - can be such a positive change.
4. Don't get stuck in blame story going over and over this adds to shame.  Turn attention to new beginning and your expanded family.  Ask for what you need.
5.  Align your community of family and friends so that no one need to carry this shame.  Your            husband can see his mother in law etc.  Do not lose connection with family.

So it's doing this break up like an adult and often this is hard because we have never been taught.
Many of us have had dysfunctional childhoods and fear of survival comes up and this is the time
to do the work and clear out these patterns for your children and your next relationships.
This is one time when you truly need to reach out and ask for help, I wish I had this help 20 years ago and the reason I opened Shunyata Retreat

The benefits for your future are numerous.
1.  Your ongoing relationship with your ex partner and the children will be so much better and the children will not be damaged.
2. You will be able to function in the world with an open heart, not shut down and suffering.
3. You will prepare yourself for a higher more fruitful next relationship
4. You will learn to love yourself and know who your truly are beyond ego patterns.
So call Paru now 03 3294773 or email

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